ya I'm a weirdo

I realize myself have been a bit over emotional recently,

sometimes I don't really know what makes me feel that way, 

But most of the time, I notice that I always have issues with myself, 

as in, I hate myself.. 

When I hate myself I feel frustrated easily and I can't get my job done well at all. 

Sometimes I realize myself has changed and I wish to go back to be like the Sawako in the past. 

for example, nowadays I feel people annoyed easily; I couldn't tolerant their mistakes or weird behavior. Hmm. =X 

or very minor and silly things like: I've no longer own the patience to listen to classic songs which used to be my all-time favourite last time.

 Hmm, maybe that indicates that I'm becoming hot-tempered. Oh no! 

Uh, see? how weird am I? 

and just recent, I discover the fact is that I'm affected by things happened around me easily, too much. 

let say friend emo, then I will emo. or when my friend is in trouble, I feel myself is in trouble also. 

now I seriously think that I'm born to be kepo one. 

Many irrelevant things somehow appear to become  my concerns. 

I'm not superwoman, inevitably, I feel depressed when I fail to achieve what I want. 

I like this self-realization. Apparently things cannot be continued in this way.  

but Oh well, that's just me la, pretty much a sawako.. 

I need to balance between two extremes. 

Life will be better soon. 

I will first love myself more. <3

May you rest in peace my puppy

Two days ago when I was playing frisbee at Uni,

I accidentally found a black ill puppy stuck under the drain.

Didn't know how long it has been suffering there,

I took it back home and see what i can do to save its life.

the puppy's health condition was utterly terrible.

it's too weak and pale and super skinny, it can barely stand up

the worse is that it refused to eat when we tried to feed it even though it has been starving for a very long time.

how can I leave it alone?

fortunately there are alot of kind people offering me help, like

Ren Yi who sent me to check if the vet is open at night at the first day;

Carol who supplied me syringe and puppy milk powder (even though it can't take it at all);

Kam Hing who delivered me the glucoline;

Yen Wynn who drive us to see a vet in semenyih town the next day;

and most importantly my housemate who was so patient and take turn taking care of this little poor creature with me.

after visiting the vet I was hoping that it will recover soon as that's what he told me.

I continue feeding glucoline and same shit happened,

all the liquid just flowed out from its mouth, it never swallow at all.

it vomited and had diarrhea.

by then, we already have mental preparation for the coming of its death.

at the night before it stopped breathing, we witnessed the process it suffered from pain.

it make sounds for hours while my house mate and I accompanied it aside,

imagine how bad we felt.

the female dog next door came closer to fence, stared at the puppy and cried too,

it bit the fence and was like wanted to come over and help.

How sad. We cant let it do so because it's having severe skin problem.

At that moment, I just wished that it could die as soon as possible hoping that the suffering can end immediately.

eventually it passed away in the midnight.

Oh, dear puppy. I'm sorry that I can't help much.

I cried badly when I saw my housemate's fb status saying that:

"‎ :'(... just leave... don't take the suffering anymore.. I pictured how cute you can be when you grow up, but it's ok....."

I believe that it's fate that makes me discovered you and I'm arranged by the god to rescue you.

I'm sorry.. May you rest in peace..


You'll be in my heart

I'm Busy!

Hey people, here comes some quick updates.

I'm now in third week again *omg time flies no kidding man*

my first two weeks was seriously fully scheduled with a series of happening activities. 

Oh well, I do not mean that they are all academic related one.  

Apparently it's FUN>studies. Let's see what are them?

1) lotsa Monopoly deal and board game session with abang-abang and house mates. 

2) movie session at midvalley

3) two frisbee matches (UKM and muddy league) and pick up session in ISKL and uni

4) sending beloved senior- Alvin off to Aussie 

5) very the bersemangat, I went to klcc and bought three MPO concert tickets sekali gus. 

a) http://www.mpo.com.my/Upcoming-Performances/Following-Concerts/A-Tribute-to-John-Williams.aspx?docid=1671&perfname=A%20Tribute%20to%20John%20Williams

b) http://www.mpo.com.my/Upcoming-Performances/Following-Concerts/Chinese-Charmers-(1).aspx?docid=1678&perfname=Chinese%20Charmers

c) http://www.mpo.com.my/Upcoming-Performances/Following-Concerts/Bugs-Bunny-at-the-Symphony-(1).aspx?docid=1690&perfname=Bugs%20Bunny%20at%20the%20Symphony

Aww~ Can you imagine how excited am I? I've already aiming for these concerts since last year. 

So thankful that now I found kaki who shared the same interest as me. 

and just recent only I find out that we are allowed to purchase the 55bucks ticket @ student price, which is 15 bucks! =D freaking happy I feel. 

 So yea, I know how busy will be my coming weekends, it's gonna be flooded with endless frisbee games and concerts. 

Btw, Shan is back to Malaysia! she has been staying at my place for the past whole week. 

We had fun doing pillow-talk every night, still sounds like lesbian I know. Hehe!

As for the one who I care a lot, 

I'm glad that all the misunderstandings have been solved and everything is back to normal. 

I'm good, and I will treasure this friendship =) 

Oh ya, never forget about my studies. 

I've been struggling so long and finally decided to kamikaze to choose a tough module as my optional which would definitely benefit me a lot. 

everything is under-control, I had awesome teammates and we are gonna rock it with no fear! yey!

other than that, i'm in the process of applying internship. God bless me. 

So yea, that's basically what I've been doing all these days.. 

and I realize I start missing home ady! =/ 

Ouh...  one hour later and im gonna off to the field for frisbee again! 

time to say goodbye

xoxo

潮落之后就有潮起

.Everything will be fine. 

.I've missed out a lot of things and now I'm gonna get them back. 

What a Mess

And now I really realize something important. 

I wish I really can take this lesson serious and do not repeat it again. 

I've received my result today and it was really as bad as what i've expected. 

I was pretty optimistic and hoping for miracle to appear,

and yea, eventually it didn't.

I did some self-evaluation, keep pondering where's my problem.

Yea, It was totally my own fault. 

Actually what for right? I really hate myself. 

I am such a nuisance seriously. 

And I have to accept the fact that I was investing in a wrong person AGAIN. 

yea, "again" 

I don't know how many times does it have to repeat over and over again. 

Me, Sawako is feeling hopeless. 

So what's the conclusion? I got very a bad grade and I'm abandoned. 

I can't ignore the hurt that makes me burn. 

SHIT, I'm so childish. Grow up Please. 

If the quote 'no pain no gain' still holds, 

Ahhhhhh! I tell myself pls pls pls... don't be so silly anymore. 

The world is cruel and all you need to do is to be stronger and be more independent.  

Sigh!

Gone case ady I know. 


Goodbye =( 

update

Finally back to uni,

and have been kinda busy these two days.

Attended first and second lecturers and I know my life is gonna be very tough after this.

AHHHH! beh hoh sheh liao

result is releasing tomorrow,

take a deep breath

*inhale.. exhale..*

I know im gonna die but god bless pls bu yao si dao tai nan kan =/

one more thing is that I'm having a frisbee match on this coming weekend at UKM,

will be playing with Take one team,

it's gonna be fun! pray that we will win the game!

Btw, I had awesome gathering with my girls last week.

photos are yet to be uploaded and I'm gonna give some pressure to ah geng.

speaking of ah geng,

my last Sunday was so delightful to have her driving me to Ikea.

It was also my first meeting with her bf, Jonathan.

Awww, very the sweet the lovely couple.

Ah bao said I'm the representative of pom chick pom pom to see her bf,

and I will give him a 'pass go' card. =p

And as for me,

I just randomly snapped a photo of myself.

I thk it was ages ago since I last practicing cam-whore,

I hope it doesn't look that bad even though ppl claimed that this is so not me.

*people do change ma* =)

p/s: forgive me that this post is so not well-structured. =p

Rabbit Year

Chinese new year? 

To be honest I like the opportunity of having gathering with relatives and friends

but I memang dislike the festival itself =/ sry im a weirdo.

And this year I started to understand what's the reason behind. Hmm.. 

Beside that, realizing I'm now at the age of 21th, maybe it's time to learn how to dress up like a lady and start wearing high heel? Hmmmmm..

Anyway, there are still lotsa people who I yet to meet but I'm very lazy to move my ass. Uhh.. 

Pls come and visit me people, if you are not as lazy as me. =D

last but not least. Wish you Human happy rabbit year. 

*do not release fireworks if possible, protect our mother earth* 

*but it's ping ping piang piang outside right now, =( very bad la*

-down-

"Oh! someday I know someone will look into my eyes
and say 'hello'
you are my very special one
but if you close the door
I'll never have to see the day again"


yea that's exactly how I feel, 
Not happy because I feel like being abandoned. 
not the first time tho.


accept the fact and start all over again.